“Shoot me, Please”: The Right to Die Stan Goldberg May 23, 2011 End of Life45 CommentsHe pleaded with me to shoot him and the request wasn’t figurative. He was my first patient as a hospice volunteer in San Francisco and I was forced...
My Brain is Fried: Inside Chronic Illnesses Stan Goldberg April 27, 2011 Chronic illness37 CommentsMany people believe that everyone lives in the same world. At an event, we all see, smell, taste, or touch the same things, and therefore, our experiences are identical. But when we crunch the information into something that goes beyond observations, unique worlds—ones we may not understand—are created.
Leaning Into Sharp Points: Practical Guidance and Nurturing Support for Caregivers-Introduction (excerpt) Stan Goldberg March 3, 2011 Caregiving“How do I do this?” he said. His wife was just enrolled in hospice. “We’ve been married for 40 years, but God help me, I don’t know what I...
I’m in Shock! But It’s Nothing Personal Stan Goldberg November 28, 2010 Grieving and Recovery18 CommentsIt was the type of conversation we’ve all heard, and then thought, “I’d never do that!” In a small restaurant north of San Francisco, I heard...
The Good Death: Views of Academics and Trench Workers Stan Goldberg November 16, 2010 End of Life15 CommentsThe earliest reference I could find to “the elephant in the room” story was by the wonderful 12th Century Persian poet Rumi. He wrote about wise...
Thoughts as You Approach Your Death Stan Goldberg October 22, 2010 End of Life5 CommentsHow do we “know” something? How do we know anything? Our primary sources usually involve written documents or the spoken word, with information...
Choosing How To Die. Does it Make a Difference? Stan Goldberg October 17, 2010 End of Life10 CommentsIf you could choose the way you will die, what would it be?” Many people cavalierly answer “old age” or “in my sleep,” as if either of...
What Makes You Think You’ll Live Forever? Stan Goldberg August 19, 2010 End of Life3 CommentsThe opening line of the pamphlet was straightforward: Join us in a workshop where you will experience your own death. Six months prior, I would have thought it an interesting exercise. But having received a diagnosis of “aggressive prostate cancer,” it had the relevance of a guidebook for an upcoming trip.
Becoming Something Different Stan Goldberg June 25, 2010 Grieving and Recovery2 CommentsIn Tibetan Buddhism the word “bardo” refers to a transition or a gap between the completion of one situation and the beginning of another. That gap can occur between life and death, ignorance and understanding, or in the case of speech-language pathology, between who we were and what we are becoming.
Dying the Way We Live Stan Goldberg June 13, 2010 End of LifePeople who were dying in the Middle Ages said their goodbyes, gave away the furniture, and just stopped breathing. The non-event was witnessed by friends and family, who, at the moment of death absconded with anything of value. Later, they might gather to either celebrate or deride the person’s life. Today, although we rarely fight over furniture, we do something worse.
Understanding Chronic and Terminal Illness: A Guide for Healthy People Stan Goldberg May 3, 2010 Chronic illness6 CommentsA client who was dying once said to me, “Every day I feel as if I’m on one of those exercise boards that rest on a ball. Just when I steady the damn thing, it starts moving and I’m struggling again to balance myself. Why don’t people realize that’s what my life has become?”
Prostate Cancer Research Funding and Male Vanity Stan Goldberg March 8, 2010 Cancer6 CommentsAs someone who’s living with prostate cancer, I applauded Louis Gossett Jr.’s testimony in Congress on the importance of prostate cancer research funding. If congress was listening, maybe I’ll live long enough for something else to kill me. But according to the American Cancer Society statistics, I shouldn’t hold my breath.
Dying Stands Logic on its Head Stan Goldberg January 13, 2010 End of Life2 CommentsWe often harshly judge behaviors we don't understand. They can involve someone's ingratitude, anger, or actions we label as foolish. I recently was guilty of the same thing here in the San Francisco Bay area with one of my hospice patients.
Faces of Grief Stan Goldberg November 13, 2009 Grieving and RecoveryAlthough there are many approaches to grief counseling, most focus directly on the grief we experience over the death of a loved one. But what about the unexplainable, and often embarrassing grief experienced over the death of someone we never knew?
Bottomless Holes Stan Goldberg September 15, 2009 End of LifeMore than 10 years ago, I saw a black and white photograph by Richard Avedon that I still vividly remember. It was taken of a young boy in 1947 in Sicily. He was in the foreground smiling broadly and wearing a suit that was too short in the arms and too tight in the waist. In the background—softly out of focus—was a tree with a symmetrical oval canopy and a fence that defined the boundary between sky and water. A seemingly bucolic scene unless you looked carefully at the boy.
When the Ground Shakes: A Need for Structure Stan Goldberg July 28, 2009 Aging, Alzheimer’s/dementiaI was concerned when I came home and couldn’t find my mother. The back of the house has a steep incline off the deck that leads to a forested area. When I saw that the gate leading down the stairs was open, concern turned to panic.
What’s Wrong with My Underwear? Coping with Aging Stan Goldberg July 13, 2009 AgingSince both my wife and I have hearing problems, when we speak to each other in different rooms, our conversations can become the basis for a sit-com on aging.
Has the Music Stopped? Life After a Loss Stan Goldberg May 29, 2009 Chronic illness, Grieving and Recovery5 CommentsWhen a sleep disorder forced me to retire at 57, and six months later I developed prostate cancer, I reacted to life as if the music had stopped.
You’ve Got It! Stan Goldberg December 1, 2004 CancerIt was Monday, May 27, 2002 and the morning fog was clearing. Sitting in my kitchen drinking a cup of coffee, I watched the Pacific become visible. It would be a great day. Then the phone rang. “Good morning Stan”, my doctor said, “the results are positive.”
