When a friend in her late 80s called and said, “I’m ready to leave,” I understood she wasn’t talking about a place.

She had been my graduate advisor, colleague, confidant, and family friend for more than 50 years. Although retired for nearly a decade, she was still regarded as an eminent authority in her field. So why, still healthy, did she say she was ready to die?

Aging Is Not for Weaklings

How often have you heard or read, “You’re not getting older; you’re getting better.” Really? Statements like these are as silly as classic Vaudeville comedy acts.

At 80 years of age, I’m not getting better; I’m getting older. There’s little that I do now that’s better than how I did it when I was 50. Aging is an exercise in subtraction. Yes, I can still run, write, fish, and sculpt, but I run slower than most people walk, and it takes me much longer to write articles today than it did five years ago. Since I fear being swept away by a gentle current because of my Parkinson’s, I only fish from river banks, and sculpt wood because I can’t lift even a tiny block of marble. My world—for better or worse—is shrinking.

So what’s an older person who still wants to live fully supposed to do? Television and the Internet offer a wide range of solutions guaranteed to reverse aging, clean out my colon, and promote hair growth, along with many other strange claims. And to make the offer even more appealing, I’m told that if I call within the next 30 minutes, the product will be doubled.

Not very appealing to someone who tries to base health decisions on data. But there is an answer that doesn’t require me to pay shipping and handling—one based on sociological, psychological, and neurological research: the creation of a purpose-infused life.

What Is Purpose?

When people read “purpose,” they often conclude that the suggestions will involve achieving lofty goals, such as saving humanity, helping at a food distribution center, assisting disabled runners, or volunteering at a hospice.

These are terrific goals, but equally effective for increasing the quantity and quality of life are more personal, selfish activities, such as exercising to lose 10 pounds, learning how to knit, or taking up painting, to mention a few.

In looking at the research and reading accounts of what gave purpose to people’s lives, at least one of the following three elements was present:

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• Something that has legs: To say that “something has legs” means that it has the potential to last for a long time. Since we are already old, the length of time doesn’t necessarily have to be very long, but it should not be a goal that can be quickly accomplished. For example, becoming more proficient on a musical instrument can take a lifetime, creating interesting jewelry has no endpoint, and mastering Japanese cooking could take two lifetimes—at least.
• Positive either in action or completion: It doesn’t require much research to see that we’re more likely to keep doing something positive rather than negative. Engaging in an activity just because you should do it isn’t necessarily positive. The activity you choose should be enjoyable for you, regardless of its social significance.
• Rhetorically asking “What happens next?”: When a well-known literary agent was asked how he knew if a manuscript was good enough to represent, he said that if he missed his subway stop while reading, that was a book he wanted. Not knowing what happens next is a powerful motivator for continuing to do something. For example, virtually all creative activities involve the uncertainty of how the project will turn out. When I was learning how to make bowls on a lathe, I was never sure how the object would change as I shaved off more wood.

The Takeaway

We wish we could live forever, but we know that, at least for now, we can’t. Still, research has shown that having purpose in our lives can significantly improve the quality of our lives and even add years to it.

Purpose doesn’t have to be limited to lofty ambitions. Instead, it just needs three attributes: It’s future-oriented, positive, and includes an element of surprise. Finding a purpose that contains only one attribute is good; two are better, and three is the Holy Grail.

And what is my purpose, you may want to ask? It’s showing people with Parkinson’s that the ease of movement the disease has robbed them of can be relearned through exercise and the application of learning research.

I never knew why my dear friend felt she was ready to die, but her death was the inspiration for this article.

References

Goldberg, Stan (2023). Preventing Senior Moments: How to Stay Alert into Your 90s and Beyond. Lantham, MA: Roman & Littlefield

John Templeton Foundation et al. The Power of Purpose Awards. Cosimo Books;