Introduction. An introduction to the major themes of the book.
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by Stan Goldberg | Apr 4, 2020
by Stan Goldberg | Oct 30, 2018
by Stan Goldberg | May 17, 2018
Your video introduction to your book “Helping our Loved Ones Die” brought some new perspectives to the subject.
I have watched your videos while training for hospice caregiving. I found many helpful aspects in later years when my mother became ill with Lewey Body dementia, DM2, heart problems ect. Today I suffer with many chronic health problems that are approach the end stages . I have been hospitalized 2x in last 3 months for pneumonia. I have COPD (moderate-severe) , ankylosing sponylositis, connective tissue disease, fibromyalgia, osteoporosis, IBS, Gerd, and list seems to keep growing. You have shared many helpful points I used in my career as a healthcare professional. But now … I can’t seem to get my loved ones to understand. I am sure much of it is due their lack of understanding my medical issues and lack medical knowledge. I can’t help but lean more towards the level of denial they find more comfortable. In their attempt to deal they seem to be staying at all levels of the denial of my chronic illness and the facts of how I am getting closer to final end stages. I no longer work and I can’t buy any of your books at this time. From your view… How would you gently “nudge” my family into some level of acceptance? Which books, do you recommend I get at library and place in their view (or reach)
I’ve found there are three major reasons families appear to be in denial about a loved one’s condition.
1) Their own fear of death. There is little you can do about this. It’s time-consuming and exhausting to change it. As you get closer to the end stages of a chronic illness, you’re going to need all of your energy to deal with the changes you’ll be experiencing.
2) Denial as a way of bolstering your spirits. By denying that your condition is deteriorating, they may hope that it will give you hope. Sometimes, by you talking about your own death it may give them permission to also talk about it.
3) Not wanting to lose someone important to them. Let people know how important they have been to you. Give thanks, forgive, ask for forgiveness and show gratitude. Taking about these things not only makes it easier for loved ones to discuss your death, but it will also take care of loose ends–something that often makes death more difficult.
You might want to buy my two books LESSONS FOR THE LIVING and LEANING INTO SHARP POINTS on Amazon. You often can get used copies for a few dollar. My ebook, “I HAVE CANCER,” 48 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORDS. is priced at $3.49 on Amazon and is written specifically for loved ones and friends who don’t know how to handle any chronic or terminal prognosis.
I hope this is helpful.
Take Care, Stan
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