Helping Our Loved Ones Die-6: Don’t Rely Just on Words
Helping Our Loved Ones Die: 6-Don’t Rely Just on Words. There are many emotions that can’t be conveyed to loved ones just by words. Share this:Facebook
Read MoreHelping Our Loved Ones Die-7: Talk About Death
Helping Our Loved Ones Die: 7-Talk About Death. People who are dying usually know it and if given permission to talk about it, will want to. Share this:Facebook
Read MoreHelping Our Loved Ones Die-8: Forgive and Ask For Forgiveness
Helping Our Loved Ones Die:8-Forgive and Ask For Forgiveness. Two things that make dying more difficult is not being forgiven for unskillful acts and words, and not forgiving those caused pain. Share this:Facebook
Read MoreHelping Our Loved Ones Die-9: Give Thanks
Helping Our Loved Ones Die: 9-GiveThanks. People who are dying want to know they’ve made a difference in the lives of their loved ones and others. Share this:Facebook
Read MoreHelping Our Loved Ones Die-10: Private Experiences
Helping Our Loved Ones Die:10-Private Experiences. People close to death may relate visits by loved ones who have died. Whether or not you think the experiences are real, accept them. Share this:Facebook
Read MoreHelping Our Loved Ones Die-11: Giving Permission to Leave
Helping Our Loved Ones Die:11-Giving Permission to Leave. One of the hardest things you may have to do is give permission to a loved one to die. Share this:Facebook
Read MoreHelping Our Loved Ones Die-12: Final Thoughts
Helping Our Loved Ones Die:12-Final Thoughts. Some final things to think about Share this:Facebook
Read MoreCudos to 60 Minutes
The 60 Minutes segment on end of life expenses did more than highlight inappropriate medical costs. It spoke to the role of medical technology in our cultural denial of death. As medical technology becomes more sophisticated in forestalling our inevitable end, we mistake “prolonging life” for “immortality.” Instead of treating death as a necessary price for living, we hide it as we do an...
Read MoreThe Hard Work of Dying
Imagine that you’re preparing for a thirty-day trip to a foreign country and you’re limited to taking only what can be carried in a backpack. Your decisions on what to take or leave behind will determine the quality of your experience. Too many items and the weight will be burdensome. Not enough of the right ones and you might be forced to neglect some basic needs. We make decisions of this type daily. Take what’s important, leave behind what isn’t. But we tend to oblivious to the importance of these decisions for possibly the most momentous journey of our lives—our death.
Read MoreHospice care. False charges from Health Care Bill Opponents
As Congress debates the new health bill, whipping boys are paraded out to create fear. The latest, and most deplorable is that hospice will be used to save costs by forcing people to die rather than be supported by life-extending technology. For some congressman and special interest groups who oppose health care reform, ideology trumps truth. There is nothing in the bill that mandates hospice...
Read MoreStones in Our Pockets: A Monk’s Story
There was a monk in the Middle Ages who had a very difficult time remembering at the end of the day if he had done meritorious works or actions that were less than skillful. He lamented his problem to a very wise teacher.
Read MoreBottomless Holes
More than 10 years ago, I saw a black and white photograph by Richard Avedon that I still vividly remember. It was taken of a young boy in 1947 in Sicily. He was in the foreground smiling broadly and wearing a suit that was too short in the arms and too tight in the waist. In the background—softly out of focus—was a tree with a symmetrical oval canopy and a fence that defined the boundary between sky and water. A seemingly bucolic scene unless you looked carefully at the boy.
Read MoreEunice Shriver: A Lesson in Dying
As millions watched the service for Eunice Shriver, they heard her daughter, Maria, say, “If you had told me that at the age of 52, I would finally get up the nerve to crawl into bed with my mother, hod her, and tell her that I love her, I would have said you were nuts. The simple act is one I have witnessed often as a bedside hospice volunteer. It has brought peace to the dying and...
Read MoreCounseling at the End of Life
As the debate on heath care reform heated up, the phrase “end of life counseling” was used as a canard by opponents of change. According to many of them, end of life counseling was the equivalent of a death panel where those worthy of saving would be, and those deemed too expensive to maintain would have the plug pulled. One would have to go back to the McCarthy period to find this level of accusation and inaccuracy. But where was it coming from?
Read MoreThere’s an Elephant in the Room:Issues in Death and Dying
Death is the ugly relative we don’t talk about. It’s hidden from our thoughts as if it doesn’t exist. Worse, we carry our perceptive blinders into our clinical practice. Entering a patient’s room, we tell them how good they’re looking, despite sunken cheeks and a sallow complexion. We may even make the mistake of asking how they feel. “Lousily,” they answer incredulously. “I’m dying you know!” We stare at them and mutter something later regretted, such as, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
Read MoreShedding Your Fears:Bedside Etiquette for Dying Patients
The literal translation of the Yiddish word “tsuris” is problems. My mother defined it as things no Jewish mother deserved from her son. I was an expert at giving them to her, especially when it came to hopping from one major or graduate program to another.
Read MoreAm I Dying? A Child’s Question
What would you say if a terminally-ill child asks the question? Should you be honest, probing, or try to convince her this is just a passing illness? The decision may be dictated by parental preferences or institutional policies. But what if there’s latitude in what you can say, or the moment is so pregnant with a child’s concern you don’t have time to consult with anyone? As with most things in hospice, there isn’t a right or wrong answer—just different ones.
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