The Goodbye Party: A Tribute to Your Dying Loved One
Excerpt from Leaning Into Sharp Points” Practical Guidance and Nurturing Support for Caregivers. One of the first things Dean did when I entered his apartment was show me the chair Tennessee Williams sat in when they discussed the state of theater in San Francisco. It was my first visit to Dean as a hospice volunteer for Pathways. “We were good friends,” he said. “Well, maybe not...
Read MoreShe says “I have cancer.” Now, what do you say?
There are 12 million of us in the United States who live with cancer and the number rises every year as researchers find new drugs to extend our lives. How will you respond when you hear the words "I have cancer?"
Read MoreGoing First: Preparing for a Loved One’s Death
EARLY PRAISE FOR LEANING INTO SHARP POINTS FROM LIVESTRONG “Stan Goldberg brings wisdom and personal experience as a caregiver and hospice volunteer to this compassionate and honest guide to providing care for one who is chronically or terminally ill. Written from the perspective of both the caregiver and the one who is receiving the care, it is a sensitive, rich, and often compelling...
Read MoreOpening the Soul’s Door:Caregiving
EARLY PRAISE FOR LEANING INTO SHARP POINTS “Stan Goldberg brings wisdom and personal experience as a caregiver and hospice volunteer to this compassionate and honest guide to providing care for one who is chronically or terminally ill. Written from the perspective of both the caregiver and the one who is receiving the care, it is a sensitive, rich, and often compelling resource.” – Andy...
Read MoreHow Can I Be a Compassionate Caregiver?
Caring for someone with a chronic or terminal illness can bring out the best in us. It's easy if it is someone who shares our values. But how do we show compassionate care for someone with few redeeming qualities?
Read More“Shoot me, Please”: The Right to Die
He pleaded with me to shoot him and the request wasn’t figurative. He was my first patient as a hospice volunteer in San Francisco. That moment, eight years ago, still haunts me. Not because I was confronted with a real life decision of immense consequences, but rather because I knew that I couldn’t honor his request, nor relieve the enormous psychological pain he was enduring—one that...
Read MoreA New Workshop for Caregivers
“How do I do this?” he said. His wife was just enrolled in hospice. “We’ve been married for 40 years, but God help me, I don’t know what I should be doing.” It’s a question asked by millions of people every day when they anticipate or find themselves thrust into the role of caregiver for a loved one who is dying. Their involvement may be continuous, providing physical and emotional...
Read MoreLeaning Into Sharp Points: Practical Guidance and Nurturing Support for Caregivers-Introduction (excerpt)
“How do I do this?” he said. His wife was just enrolled in hospice. “We’ve been married for 40 years, but God help me, I don’t know what I should be doing.” It was my first visit and the question was unexpected. It’s a question asked by millions of people every day when they anticipate or find themselves thrust into the role of caregiver for a loved one who is dying. Their...
Read MoreThe Good Death: Views of Academics and Trench Workers
The earliest reference I could find to “the elephant in the room” story was by the wonderful 12th Century Persian poet Rumi. He wrote about wise men in a darkened room trying to describe an elephant in it. Since they had never seen such an animal, their description would be based on what they touched or smelled. I felt I was transported into that room during a recent international conference on death and dying.
Read MoreThoughts as You Approach Your Own Death
How do we “know” something? How do we know anything? Our primary sources usually involve written documents or the spoken word, with information ranging from ludicrously false to probably true. Yet, most of the time, even the most “objective” information has a slight personal twist to it, placing a layer between it and us. What we know in these instances is what another source has said...
Read MoreChoosing How To Die. Does it Make a Difference?
If you could choose the way you will die, what would it be?” Many people cavalierly answer “old age” or “in my sleep,” as if either of these answers will offer relief from an event they’ll do almost anything to avoid thinking about. But for some of us, the answers have less latitude and little humor. We have a better idea than most people what will do us in. In my case, it will most...
Read MoreWhat Makes You Think You’ll Live Forever?
The opening line of the pamphlet was straightforward: Join us in a workshop where you will experience your own death. Six months prior, I would have thought it an interesting exercise. But having received a diagnosis of “aggressive prostate cancer,” it had the relevance of a guidebook for an upcoming trip.
Read MoreDying the Way We Live
People who were dying in the Middle Ages said their goodbyes, gave away the furniture, and just stopped breathing. The non-event was witnessed by friends and family, who, at the moment of death absconded with anything of value. Later, they might gather to either celebrate or deride the person’s life. Today, although we rarely fight over furniture, we do something worse.
Read MoreMemories: A Call to Reconnect
Did you ever have a memory that rode into your consciousness on the back of a passing odor, object, or random word? Something you desperately tried to forget? But despite your best efforts, it still seeped through your emotional protective wall as if the wall was made of cheesecloth.
Read MoreDying Stands Logic on its Head
We often harshly judge behaviors we don't understand. They can involve someone's ingratitude, anger, or actions we label as foolish. I recently was guilty of the same thing here in the San Francisco Bay area with one of my hospice patients.
Read MoreHelping Our Loved Ones Die-1: Introduction
Introduction. An introduction to the major themes of the book. Share this:Facebook
Read MoreHelping Our Loved Ones Die-2: Sitting
Lessons for the Living-2: Sitting. Few people understand the importance of sitting down next to a person who is dying rather than standing at the bedside. Share this:Facebook
Read MoreHelping Our Loved Ones Die-3: Create a Positive Environment
Helping Our Loved Ones Die:3 Create a Positive Environment. The focus should be on life, even as a loved one’s life is slipping away. Share this:Facebook
Read MoreHelping Our Loved Ones Die-4: Simplifying Life
Helping Our Loved Ones Die: 4-Simplifying Life. As a loved one comes closer to dying, interests become more defined. There is much you can do to help them simplify life. Share this:Facebook
Read MoreHelping Our Loved Ones Die-5: Listen More, Talk Less
Helping Our Loved Ones Die: 5-Listen More, Talk Less. We tend to fill periods of silence with words, almost as if it was a requirement. Yet, it’s during those periods of silence that loved ones often reveal those things most important to them. Share this:Facebook
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