I’m Different: Illness-based Identity
How we view ourselves—our identity—is based on what we do, the roles we play, activities we enjoy, affiliations we have, the values that structure our lives, our abilities, and relationships. When a meaningful part of a loved one’s life is lost, their self-perception and place in the world may change. Losing something that gave meaning to life is often a bi-product of chronic and...
Read MoreShe says “I have cancer.” Now, what do you say?
There are 12 million of us in the United States who live with cancer and the number rises every year as researchers find new drugs to extend our lives. How will you respond when you hear the words "I have cancer?"
Read MoreGoing First: Preparing for a Loved One’s Death
EARLY PRAISE FOR LEANING INTO SHARP POINTS FROM LIVESTRONG “Stan Goldberg brings wisdom and personal experience as a caregiver and hospice volunteer to this compassionate and honest guide to providing care for one who is chronically or terminally ill. Written from the perspective of both the caregiver and the one who is receiving the care, it is a sensitive, rich, and often compelling...
Read MoreOpening the Soul’s Door:Caregiving
EARLY PRAISE FOR LEANING INTO SHARP POINTS “Stan Goldberg brings wisdom and personal experience as a caregiver and hospice volunteer to this compassionate and honest guide to providing care for one who is chronically or terminally ill. Written from the perspective of both the caregiver and the one who is receiving the care, it is a sensitive, rich, and often compelling resource.” – Andy...
Read MoreA Dying Man’s Question; A Turkish Answer
I was reluctant to tell my new hospice patient in San Francisco that I would be traveling in Turkey for the next two weeks. Two weeks for me was a short amount of time. For him, it would most likely be a significant portion of the life he had left. But it was a trip my wife and I had scheduled six months prior, and as is the case with so many things, my life involves a merging of these two...
Read MoreIt’s Only Alzheimer’s, Not the Bloody Plague!
A friend recently said to me, “When our friends learned I had Alzheimer’s, many looked at me as if I had some kind of contagious disease. Then, they just stopped calling or coming around. Don’t they know it isn’t the bloody plague?”
Read MoreMy Brain is Fried: Inside Chronic Illnesses
Many people believe that everyone lives in the same world. At an event, we all see, smell, taste, or touch the same things, and therefore, our experiences are identical. But when we crunch the information into something that goes beyond observations, unique worlds—ones we may not understand—are created.
Read MoreCaregivers: We’re Not Mother Teresa
I’d been a bedside volunteer for more than five years; sitting with dying patients and their families once or twice a week for up to four continuous hours. Sometimes I stayed with patients overnight. Regardless how demanding my responsibilities, I knew that when I left the bedside, I’d have three to six days to “recover.” It was a time to prepare myself for next week’s activities that...
Read MoreA New Workshop for Caregivers
“How do I do this?” he said. His wife was just enrolled in hospice. “We’ve been married for 40 years, but God help me, I don’t know what I should be doing.” It’s a question asked by millions of people every day when they anticipate or find themselves thrust into the role of caregiver for a loved one who is dying. Their involvement may be continuous, providing physical and emotional...
Read MoreLeaning Into Sharp Points: Practical Guidance and Nurturing Support for Caregivers-Introduction (excerpt)
“How do I do this?” he said. His wife was just enrolled in hospice. “We’ve been married for 40 years, but God help me, I don’t know what I should be doing.” It was my first visit and the question was unexpected. It’s a question asked by millions of people every day when they anticipate or find themselves thrust into the role of caregiver for a loved one who is dying. Their...
Read MoreThe Zen of Eating Cream of Wheat: A Journey Into Dementia
As a bedside hospice volunteer in San Francisco, I always have the choice of whether or not to accept an assignment. Some, I immediately know are right for me, such as sitting with a man my age who was estranged from his family and desperately wanted to reconnect with them. With others, especially those with advanced Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia, I occasionally question whether the assignment makes sense—but not anymore.
Read MoreThe Zeniness of Aging
It began when I dropped a ceramic pie dish for no apparent reason. Expensive, but replaceable. Not a big deal I thought, just my new clumsy self. But the next day when I tripped going up the stairs and sprained my ankle, I questioned that it was clumsiness. And when I fell off my bicycle, again for no apparent reason and tore up the left side of my body, I became concerned—really concerned.
Read MoreTop 10 Insults for Old People
Incredible things are heard when nobody thinks you’re listening. Recently in downtown San Francisco I was walking behind a twenty-something–year-old couple. They were forced to reduce their fast pace as they approached an elderly man slowly walking in the same direction. Unable to go around him because foot traffic was heavy, they exchanged annoyed expressions, then imitated the elder gentleman’s halting movements.
Read MorePatient Choice: A Medical Cop-Out
It was an invitation that made no sense. I was asked to be a special guest of the South Korean Ministry of Tourism and KMI International, a company that markets medical tourism. Why me, I wondered? As I re-read the invitation, I remembered another strange offer I received in the 1970’s during a tense period in Israeli-Arab relations. “Hello Dr. Goldberg,” an official from the Jordan Ministry of Education had said. “We’d like to know if you would be interested in coming to Ramallah to conduct a seminar on stuttering therapy this summer.”
Read MoreUnderstanding Chronic and Terminal Illness: A Guide for Healthy People
A client who was dying once said to me, “Every day I feel as if I’m on one of those exercise boards that rest on a ball. Just when I steady the damn thing, it starts moving and I’m struggling again to balance myself. Why don’t people realize that’s what my life has become?”
Read MoreProstate Cancer Research Funding and Male Vanity
As someone who’s living with prostate cancer, I applauded Louis Gossett Jr.’s testimony in Congress on the importance of prostate cancer research funding. If congress was listening, maybe I’ll live long enough for something else to kill me. But according to the American Cancer Society statistics, I shouldn’t hold my breath.
Read MoreFaces of Grief
Although there are many approaches to grief counseling, most focus directly on the grief we experience over the death of a loved one. But what about the unexplainable, and often embarrassing grief experienced over the death of someone we never knew?
Read MoreWhen the Ground Shakes: A Need for Structure
I was concerned when I came home and couldn’t find my mother. The back of the house has a steep incline off the deck that leads to a forested area. When I saw that the gate leading down the stairs was open, concern turned to panic.
Read MoreWhat’s Wrong with My Underwear?
Since both my wife and I have hearing problems, when we speak to each other in different rooms, our conversations can become the basis for a sit-com on aging.
Read MoreHas the Music Stopped? Life After a Loss
When a sleep disorder forced me to retire at 57, and six months later I developed prostate cancer, I reacted to life as if the music had stopped.
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