I’m Different: Illness-based Identity
How we view ourselves—our identity—is based on what we do, the roles we play, activities we enjoy, affiliations we have, the values that structure our lives, our abilities, and relationships. When a meaningful part of a loved one’s life is lost, their self-perception and place in the world may change. Losing something that gave meaning to life is often a bi-product of chronic and...
Read MoreThe Goodbye Party: A Tribute to Your Dying Loved One
Excerpt from Leaning Into Sharp Points” Practical Guidance and Nurturing Support for Caregivers. One of the first things Dean did when I entered his apartment was show me the chair Tennessee Williams sat in when they discussed the state of theater in San Francisco. It was my first visit to Dean as a hospice volunteer for Pathways. “We were good friends,” he said. “Well, maybe not...
Read MoreShe says “I have cancer.” Now, what do you say?
There are 12 million of us in the United States who live with cancer and the number rises every year as researchers find new drugs to extend our lives. How will you respond when you hear the words "I have cancer?"
Read MoreGoing First: Preparing for a Loved One’s Death
EARLY PRAISE FOR LEANING INTO SHARP POINTS FROM LIVESTRONG “Stan Goldberg brings wisdom and personal experience as a caregiver and hospice volunteer to this compassionate and honest guide to providing care for one who is chronically or terminally ill. Written from the perspective of both the caregiver and the one who is receiving the care, it is a sensitive, rich, and often compelling...
Read MoreOpening the Soul’s Door:Caregiving
EARLY PRAISE FOR LEANING INTO SHARP POINTS “Stan Goldberg brings wisdom and personal experience as a caregiver and hospice volunteer to this compassionate and honest guide to providing care for one who is chronically or terminally ill. Written from the perspective of both the caregiver and the one who is receiving the care, it is a sensitive, rich, and often compelling resource.” – Andy...
Read MoreHow Can I Be a Compassionate Caregiver?
Caring for someone with a chronic or terminal illness can bring out the best in us. It's easy if it is someone who shares our values. But how do we show compassionate care for someone with few redeeming qualities?
Read MoreA Dying Man’s Question; A Turkish Answer
I was reluctant to tell my new hospice patient in San Francisco that I would be traveling in Turkey for the next two weeks. Two weeks for me was a short amount of time. For him, it would most likely be a significant portion of the life he had left. But it was a trip my wife and I had scheduled six months prior, and as is the case with so many things, my life involves a merging of these two...
Read MoreReflections From New York, September 18th, 2001
“Daddy, please come,” my daughter said on September 11th from New York City. Together, we watched the towers fall. Me, from the safety of my San Francisco home. She, from an office building in Rockefeller Plaza wondering if her friend survived.
Read MoreOf Course You Remember
Of course you remember she says. It was your sixtieth, and we came from across the country to express our love. I don’t remember, I say. But you do remember she says. We ordered your favorite Indian foods sang songs of the 60’s and danced to Eleanor Rigby. I don’t remember, I say. But you must remember, she says. We drank Woodford Reserve and reminisced about motorcycle days and drugged...
Read MoreIt’s Only Alzheimer’s, Not the Bloody Plague!
A friend recently said to me, “When our friends learned I had Alzheimer’s, many looked at me as if I had some kind of contagious disease. Then, they just stopped calling or coming around. Don’t they know it isn’t the bloody plague?”
Read MoreWelcome to Kauai. What’s the Strange Stick in Your Hand?
This article was originally published in Saltwater Fly Fishing, December, 1999 Almost every trip now is a fishing trip. Whether it is a professional conference in Anaheim or a visit to see my son at his summer camp in the Adirondacks. So when it was decided that as a family we would go to Kauai for Easter, I pulled out every old fly fishing magazine I owned along with the few books available on...
Read More“Shoot me, Please”: The Right to Die
He pleaded with me to shoot him and the request wasn’t figurative. He was my first patient as a hospice volunteer in San Francisco. That moment, eight years ago, still haunts me. Not because I was confronted with a real life decision of immense consequences, but rather because I knew that I couldn’t honor his request, nor relieve the enormous psychological pain he was enduring—one that...
Read MoreMy Brain is Fried: Inside Chronic Illnesses
Many people believe that everyone lives in the same world. At an event, we all see, smell, taste, or touch the same things, and therefore, our experiences are identical. But when we crunch the information into something that goes beyond observations, unique worlds—ones we may not understand—are created.
Read MoreCaregivers: We’re Not Mother Teresa
I’d been a bedside volunteer for more than five years; sitting with dying patients and their families once or twice a week for up to four continuous hours. Sometimes I stayed with patients overnight. Regardless how demanding my responsibilities, I knew that when I left the bedside, I’d have three to six days to “recover.” It was a time to prepare myself for next week’s activities that...
Read MoreA New Workshop for Caregivers
“How do I do this?” he said. His wife was just enrolled in hospice. “We’ve been married for 40 years, but God help me, I don’t know what I should be doing.” It’s a question asked by millions of people every day when they anticipate or find themselves thrust into the role of caregiver for a loved one who is dying. Their involvement may be continuous, providing physical and emotional...
Read MoreLeaning Into Sharp Points: Practical Guidance and Nurturing Support for Caregivers-Introduction (excerpt)
“How do I do this?” he said. His wife was just enrolled in hospice. “We’ve been married for 40 years, but God help me, I don’t know what I should be doing.” It was my first visit and the question was unexpected. It’s a question asked by millions of people every day when they anticipate or find themselves thrust into the role of caregiver for a loved one who is dying. Their...
Read MoreChariots of Conscience
I stepped aboard the chartered bus and sat in a comfortable reclining cloth seat with a pull-down footrest. It looked no different than thousands of other Greyhound buses in the 1960’s. A gleaming silver box with sleek greyhounds painted on both sides that soon would be driven by a driver who was greeting entering passengers with a smile. What I didn’t realize was in twenty-five minutes, this bus would begin a journey that would change the lives of its passengers and the soul of the country.
Read MoreI’t Not Our Fault
When Christians in the Middle Ages extolled the virtue of holy missions and heard that Crusaders killed innocent Muslims, they cried out “It’s not our fault.” When Brigadier-General Reginald Dyer murdered 1500 unarmed Indians, members of the House of Parliament, who had called them “children,” said It’s not our fault. When the people of Weimer who cursed the...
Read MorePlaying for Relatives: Understanding Buchenwald
I thought about my father’s family tree as I drove from Prague to Weimer. Thirty-three relatives had died in Auschwitz, three had been liberated from Dachau, but nothing was written about Buchenwald, the concentration camp I would visit the next day, November 11th, 2010. It was Veterans Day in the United States and Armistice Day in Europe. I stood just inside the entrance and looked at the sign...
Read MoreSubway Christmas Carols
It’s December and I just got off the C train at 53rd and 5th, when I see his arms flailing above the thousands of people ascending the stairs. He defiantly stands halfway up forcing everyone to move around him. Those closest try desperately to avoid brushing against his layers of soiled clothes. He’s in his sixties and wears a red elf’s hat that jumps skyward as he stretches upward, his...
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